By: Julie Dieck
Chapter 8 “Bearing of the Soul”
On the third night, Alan again sat at his vigilance while listening to the storm that had come up that late afternoon and had continued to rage since. A lamp turned down low allowed him to see the pale face in the bed beside him. Though the room was snugly warm, he could almost feel the wet chill of the blustering wind outside. Rain drummed on the roof and against the windows; every once in a while a rumble of thunder vibrated through the floorboards and through the soles of his boots. He wrapped his hands tightly around the cup of coffee he held as if comforting himself that he wasn’t out there but in here where it was dry and warm, even if he did feel as though he were becoming part of the chair. There is something about the musical sound of rain that relaxes the body and mind, and Alan had to lean forward to keep himself from drifting off.
It was a little after midnight when he was roused by a slight thump from the outer room that sounded like the front door closing. He couldn’t see because the door between the two rooms was over half closed, but he could hear. There was a scuffling that sounded like a heavy coat being taken off, no wonder in this weather; then the soft pattering of footsteps coming closer; then a slight creak as the door swung open. Against the lamplight from the front room, the trim figure of a women was distinctly outlined; from the soft light of the bedroom, the pretty features of the kind face could just be made out.
Alan sat straight in surprise. “Miss. Henderson. What be ya’ doin’ here this time ah’ night? And in this weather?”
Linda came in with a light sigh. “I couldn’t sleep. Kept thinking about her, so I thought I’d come over for a minute to ease my mind.” She came over to the bedside and touched the girl’s forehead. “How is she?”
“Seems ta’ be doin’ better,” Alan answered. “Fever’s gone down a bit and she’s been restin’ more comfortably the last hour.”
“Oh good.” She saw the coffee in his hands. “Is there any more of that around?”
Alan jabbed a thumb back towards the main room. “There be a pot on the stove.”
“Oh good,” Linda said again with emphasis as she rubbed her hands together. “It always feels good to have some on a night like this. I’ll get a cup and join you and we can talk a while. In fact, I’ll refill yours.” She held her hand out for his cup.
Alan shook his head rapidly. “Don’t ya’ bother yourself ‘bout that. I be fine. Ya’ don’t have ta’ stay ‘cause ah’ me.”
“It’s no trouble. I do hate having some all alone, and I’m sure what’s left of yours could be warmed up. Besides you’ve practically been living alone in this cave for three days. I’m more than sure you could use some company.”
“I’m ‘fraid I can’t, ‘cause … well …” Alan saw Linda give him a peculiar look; then realized he was leaning slightly away from her extended hand. He tried to explain himself. “Well, ya’ see, Miss, I be only a privet and you be a … a …” His cheeks flushed in embarrassment.
Linda’s hands went to her hips; suddenly understanding. “But I’m your commanding officers daughter, right?”
The color deepened and Alan hated himself for it. It didn’t sound very nice, but it was the plain truth. Then Linda began to giggle and he wondered whether to be relieved or not. Her next words quickly put him a bit at ease.
“Just because I’m the captain’s daughter doesn’t mean that you have to tiptoe around me. There’s no reason for you to be afraid of my father. I promise you. And I assure you, I don’t mind in the very least being around a privet. We’re all people.”
Alan gave a weak laugh and began wondering if that was the full reason. It was strange, he felt almost afraid of her in a way. He had thought it was because of who she was; or was it? He’d never met anyone like her before; he wouldn’t call her any ordinary “people.” Could it be fear of what was rousing deep inside? Still waters that had never been stirred before; never known was there before? Alan wasn’t sure anymore.
Linda put her hand out again. “Now, how about that coffee?”
Hesitation still had a hold. “Well …”
“I insist.”
Her face looked so sweet and the warm smile seemed to melt some of the uncertainty away. Alan grinned as he surrendered the cup. “Alright. If yer gunna twist me arm off till I do, I mis’well as surrender here and now while it still be on.”
A while later, both sat near the bedside talking in low tones while sipping on fresh cups of hot coffee. Linda did most of the talking. She told all about her father and how it was growing up in a fort, about her mother before she died, and just about everything in-between. Alan listened to it all and hung on every word. He felt sadness at the unhappy stories, and smiled, even chuckled, at the humorous ones. He liked listening to her. She had a way of telling things that made them interesting; fun to hear. He felt as though he could listen forever. Time went by on wings and it was well after three in the morning when Linda finally paused with a long sigh.
“I’m afraid I’ve chewed your ear off,” she apologized.
Alan grinned. “And never has it been so pleasant.”
Linda smiled gratefully. “Well, I must say you’ve been the nicest audience. I shouldn’t be doing all the talking though.”
“And what’s wrong with that?”
Linda shrugged. “Well, nothing I guess, but you haven’t said much. I’ve told you all about me, but you haven’t told me anything about you. What’s your story?”
The happiness in Alan’s eyes faded like a candle being snuffed out. It were as though a wall had suddenly been put up and Linda felt it. His gaze turned away to stare straight ahead.
“T’ain’t much worth tellin’,” he muttered.
“There isn’t any person’s story that isn’t worth telling,” Linda tried to soften the shell the man had suddenly pulled himself into.
Alan said nothing, turning his head slightly away from her; telling himself that he didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to go back. He felt a soft touch on his arm.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t know it was like that for you.”
“Don’t matter much.”
The room was quiet for a moment, then Linda began slowly, “Sometimes … it can help to talk about things.”
“That be if one wants ta’ talk,” Alan said flatly, his gaze resting on the small form in the bed.
Linda realized she’d found a tender spot in the robust and burly privet she had always seen. A sensitive wound that was still raw and hurting. She felt a little guilt for having made it sting unintentionally, and her sympathy grew.
“I’m sorry. I just want to … I guess the word is, to “help.” Every once in a while when I see you, I see this look in your eyes. Especially the last few days. I just …” she paused, studying him, “I can’t figure out what it is. Like a … a sadness. Maybe more than that.”
She certainly had insight, Alan couldn’t deny that. The room was silent except for the rain and thunder as she waited for him to talk. “Maybe so,” he finally said, so soft that it almost couldn’t be heard.
Linda followed his gaze to the sleeping girl then back, trying to read the thoughts that were silently speaking thorough the privet’s eyes. “It has something to do with the girl, isn’t it?”
Alan looked down at his cup, but said nothing.
“She reminds you of something.”
Silence.
Had he denied it, Linda would have known she wasn’t on the right trail, but his silence was as good as any words. She studied his face, highlighted by soft lamplight; trying to grasp the meaning of the feelings that were trying to show. He was doing a good job keeping them in, but he couldn’t keep them hidden entirely. Again Alan’s gaze came back up to the small girl; that’s when Linda saw it. Only a glimpse before it vanished, but enough. A smoldering fire that had but one description.
“It’s what happened to her, isn’t it?” she said softly, sudden understanding in her tone. “It’s about the Indians. That’s what drives you. You hate them.”
Alan couldn’t believe it. How could he be so transparent to her? No one else could have been able to guess that accurate. Was it just her insight, or maybe had he let a little show on purpose? He suddenly realized that he wanted to tell her; tell about everything that had happened. But that wasn’t like him. He’d never been able to talk about it to anyone, not even the fellas back in the barracks knew the whole story, or the drive that pushed him from within. Why did he suddenly want to tell her?
Linda leaned forward. “Tell me about it. I can see it’s hurting you inside. I have a feeling it has been for a long time.” She reached over and touched his arm. “Let me help.”
That insight again.
Wind moaned and rain drummed forlornly outside in a long moment of silence that followed. When Alan finally spoke his voice was low, dismal. “Me father and best friend were killed by ‘em.”
Full understanding and sympathy came to Linda’s eyes. It continued to grow as the privet’s entire story spilled out; from the burned ranch, to the dying friend, to the fight, to here. No wonder she’d seen such sorrow in the man that first day she’d met him. Her eyes wondered off to stare at emptiness as she let it all soak in, shaking her head in wonder. Her voice was soft with thought when she spoke, “How sad. I … I can’t even imagine how it would be having something like that happen twice.”
Alan appreciated her sympathy, but now she knew of everything – including the reason of his demotion. “So … now you know why I be here,” he said and his eyes quickly fell in embarrassment.
Linda understood his discomfort. “It’s alright. I can understand how you must have felt. Honestly, I don’t blame you for what happened. I would have been angry too if someone was rubbing my friend’s death in my face.”
Alan’s eyes had a far-off glaze to them. “A good lad he was. The best friend I ever had.”
“I’m sure he was.” Linda reached over and laid a consoling hand on his arm. “And if you ask me, I say he picked a good friend too.”
Alan looked up at her with grateful eyes. He didn’t realize till now how much he needed to hear that. In fact, there was a large part of him inside that felt as though a bit of weight had been taken off of the burden he’d been carrying for many years. He managed a small smile. “Thank ya’, Miss. Henderson.”
She smiled back. “Please, call me Linda.”
Alan nodded awkwardly as he swallowed. “Uh, alright. Miss. Linda.”
“Just Linda.”
Alan rubbed his neck. “Uh, if ye’ll pardon me, but t’was the way I be brought up. Me dear mother always taught me ta’ always say “Miss” when talkin’ ta’ a lady – unhitched that is. T’wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t add it up front.”
Linda giggled softly. “Alright. That’s fine with me.”
Alan breathed in relief that she wasn’t offended, but, then again, she seemed like the kind of girl that wasn’t offended very easily anyway. Especially after how he’d nearly knocked her down in the compound that first day.
“If it’s alright with you, may I call you Alan?” she asked.
Alan smiled. “I’m guessin’ that’s what it be there for.”
Linda smiled back. “Agreed.”
The next half hour was filled with simple chatting till it was after four in the morning. Sitting forward in his chair, Alan rubbed his heavy eyes with a tired sigh.
“You’ve been up for almost three days straight,” Linda said with soft concern. “Why don’t you go to your barracks and get some rest? I’ll stay with her.”
Alan’s hesitation showed as he glanced at the still sleeping girl.
Linda stood to her feet. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I’ve gotten much more sleep than you have. If you fell asleep in that chair – which you’re close to doing – I’d end up having to watch her anyway; plus you at the same time. You getting out of here just saves me some work.”
Alan chuckled. “Maybe yer right. Ah’ little sleep does have an attractive sound ta’ it at the moment.”
He slowly pushed himself up, muscles stiff from sitting so long. Linda followed him to the front room and he slipped into a slicker. He started to grab the doorknob, but paused before he touched it. Alan stood there for a moment before turning to face the young woman.
“Miss. Hender– I mean, Miss. Linda. I just be wantin’ ta’ say … that is …” He felt foolish for stuttering as she stood there so patiently waiting for him to get it out. He sighed. “I guess what I be tryin’ ta’ say is that I’d like ta’ thank ya’ for tonight. I know me story t’wasn’t a pleasant one and I be sorry for makin’ ya’ sit through it all, but I’d still like ta’ thank ya’ for listenin’ anyway. I guess I didn’t realize how much I … was needin’ ta’ tell someone.”
The sweet smile that Linda always seemed to have for him came to her face as she shook her head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I’m glad you did. I knew you needed to.”
Alan looked down at the hat brim he was rolling in nervous hands. “I would be appreciatin’ it though if … if ya’ didn’t go tellin’ anyone about … well … everything that I told ya’.”
Linda laid a hand on his arm, understanding in both her touch and her eyes. “Of course. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
A faint smile of appreciation came to Alan’s lips. He put his hat on snuggly and touched the brim courteously. “Thank ya’. Ga’night Miss. Linda.”
“Goodnight, Alan.”
The privet turned and put his head down as he stepped out into the storm. He left the porch and trudged through the driving rain and wind, but it couldn’t dampen the little beam of sunshine that Alan felt glowing inside.
(Chapter 9 will be released next Saturday, January 6, 2024)
留言